I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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