Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I didn't notice because vodka
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
