the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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