I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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