Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
