Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
