All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
