Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
