I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's never too late to be topless.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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