Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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