cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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