ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
