You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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