Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize