His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Say something about gay babies.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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