the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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