I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
even my farts smell like vagina
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
