i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
