I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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