Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
