yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
