shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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