I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
