what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
