Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
