I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
