Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
