Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
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