Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
