You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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