Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
