i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
