What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
