I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
