the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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