Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
