I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
