it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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