hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
