Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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