I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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