i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
