Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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