She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
