Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
