I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
