where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
