We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
