you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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