Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
