my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we're making bets on your personal life
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
