Don't you send me to vm
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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