I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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