It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
