ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
