BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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