I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
