i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
