Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
