you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
