I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
