Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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