I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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