Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
