I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
